i posted this on facebook a few days back

i guess i learned a decent amount today--tonight.

i learned i can't stand when a guy is interested in me anymore. it scares me. this guy was so nice. such a gentleman... so chivalrous, oh my.. just today i was thinking about how i like a man to be chivalrous.. but i had to turn him down. i had to avoid him as much as i could. i had to escape him. i have a problem. i can only hope it doesn't last me a lifetime.

i also learned today that the more a person knows about you, the easier it is for that person to hurt you, to control you. i made the mistake of sharing my weaknesses with certain people.
does this mean i should never open up to anyone? no. i just need to learn who to open up to and who not to.

i learned that i can't escape you, but i am strong enough today to realize what you are doing. i am strong enough to know who i am. i am strong enough not to put myself through this anymore. or rather i learned that that is what i must do. i must learn to accept who you are. it's hard. i have a tendency to see the best in people. but i've been trying for a long time to learn to weigh the negatives vs the positives and make the correct decisions based on that. i must learn to stand up for myself. it's not selfish to look out for myself. i'm not selfish. i didn't learn that tonight - i just got a confirmation. but i don't think i ever had much of doubt.

i no longer believe in my love. i make bad decisions, i love the wrong people, i get hurt. that needs to change. but the only way i know how to protect myself today, the easiest way, is simply not to love. it's still hard. because i love. i'm a loving person. oh, i love...

can you answer both of these two questions with a yes?: "if i go crazy, then will you still call me superman? if i'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?" i doubt it. one day i hope to meet someone who can.

tonight was a good night.
but i'm drunk and probably the smart decision would be not to post this.
but i'm drunk.